


Wanting The Unobtainable

by Evelyn_Jade



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:58:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2136153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evelyn_Jade/pseuds/Evelyn_Jade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock stays in a loveless relationship with Uhura when his feelings for Jim develop. He doesn't tell anyone because he fears rejection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Very first thing I EVER wrote in 2010. Not very polished and is un-beta'd.
> 
> Sorry about how poor my punctuation is and well everything (:
> 
> English is not my first language and for that I'm sorry ):
> 
> WARNING: sex not explicit but sex none the less

The body beneath him was soft, her breast bounced with every upward thrust into her body.  
"Oh God Spock harder!"

He complied with her request easily. Any other man would kill to be where he was right now. Nyota Uhura's body below them with her moaning their name. However the only thing he could think of was Jim. He wished the soft curves were hard muscles that it was him biting his bottom lip. She moaned loudly when she reached completion him following shortly behind.

"Spock that was amazing"

"I'm glad you found my performance satisfactory"

He cared for her and he knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear and he knew if it was Jim he would have said "I love you". He got up from the bed. If she thought anything was wrong she didn't say it. Entering the bathroom he stared at the door that connected his room to Jim's. He thought about all the lovers Jim has brought into his quarters. He couldn't  
suppress the rush of jealousy that spiked.  He knew it was illogical.

Then his mind went too the woman in his room. Another rush of emotion guilt. He knew he was hurting her even if she didn't. What if she knew he thought of another during intercourse. He knew the answer, leave him. When he returned she was getting dressed. She left with a kiss to his cheek and the promise to see him tomorrow. He wouldn't miss her company. He was glad she could leave without him asking. He needed to meditate.


	2. 2 Years Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two years before. Starts at the Narada incident when Spock meets Spock. Then continues from the time the voyage starts. All happening before the first chapter and leading up to it. The script from the movie is used in the beginning. Sorry if you like Uhura.

2 Years before

 

Beginning

 

 

“I am not our father there are so few Vulcans left, we cannot afford to ignore each other.”

“Then why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?”

"Because you needed each other.”

“I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together.”

“Of a friendship, that would define you both. In ways you cannot yet realize.”

“How'd you persuade him to keep your secret?”

“He inferred that, universe ending paradoxes would ensue, should he break his promise.”

“You lied?”

“Oh. I implied.”

“A gamble?”

“An act of faith.”

“One I hope you will repeat in the future at Starfleet.”

“In the face of extinction it is only logical I resign my Starfleet commission and help rebuild our race.”

“And yet you can be in two places at once. I urge you to remain in Starfleet. I've already located a suitable planet on which to establish a Vulcan colony Spock, in this case do yourself a favor. Put aside logic, do what feels right.”

He pondered that conversation so many times. Do what feels right. He stayed in Starfleet, he did what was logical and stayed with Nyota. She could have a child, help repopulate his race.

They were one month into their voyage the plant they found was reading no life signs. The logical thing to do was to send a science team to investigate.

“Well I'm going down to look at stuff Spock you got the con.”

“Captain I do not see the logic in putting yourself on the away team.”

“Come on Spock loosen up a little have some fun once in awhile.”

Jim said his trade mark smile gleaming. Why hadn't he noticed how white his teeth were before?

“Because captain I am Vulcan and we do not as you say 'loosen up'”

Then Kirk did something no other would do. Smacked him on the shoulder playfully. Spock got a barrage of emotions. Anticipation, joy, kindness, amusement and surprise. Two of which directed at him amusement and surprise. Amusement for his attitude and surprise for his body temperature. While pondering these Kirk took the opportunity to leave and beam down. Jim categorized this as the first victory he had over Spock. It was also the first time Spock felt a rush of lust for Jim. He had no idea where it came from, he was adequate in his relationship with Nyota. Jim was illogical, reckless, ignorant, beautiful.... where had that thought come from? Jim and the away team come home untouched. Spock didn't understand why he felt at unease the whole time the Captain was gone.

6 months

“Spock are you alright you seem kind of off.” Nyota said obviously concerned.

“I do not understand the context of that statement.”

“Yes you do now tell me whats bothering you?”

“The captain asked me to a game of chess. I told him no.”

“Don't blame you he's an ass. I don't think I'll ever like him.” She said with obvious distaste in her voice. A flare of anger struck through his body. It was illogical for her to feel this way who was she to say anything about Jim what a bit......Why did I care so much I have no emotional ties to Captain.

“I think I'll play chess with him.” She had a very displeasing look on her face. She refused to speak to him for the rest of the night.

Nine months

Jim looked at him from over the chess board with a smile. He moved his rook. In three moves he would be checked then checkmated. Spock's mind wasn't on the game he was to busy wondering what exact shade Jim's eyes where. Aqua? Sky blue?

“Check mate” Jim said with a rueful smile.

“Congratulations not many people have beat me.”

“I love beating you it makes me feel good.” It wasn't Spock's fault with the image that came to his mind. Jim on his knees his hands gliding over his hard phallus liking his lips seductively.

“Do you want to play again?” Jim asked, Spock was snapped from his daydream, his erection pressed against his uniform pants. Looking over to the door he thinks he could walk out without Jim seeing his arousal.

“No Captain I must go thank you for a stimulating game.”

15 months

He cared for her but he didn't love her. She never truly loved him. What she saw was someone who could challenge her. Someone she could tolerate to be with forever. She claimed to know a lot about Vulcans. She didn't she would have known about their sense of smell. How he could smell the lieutenant on her. He worked in engineering on the power cells. They had been drinking however not enough to hinder judgment to her not knowing what she did. When he asked where she was she was with Sulu. He accepted her answer and left to spar with Jim unable to look at her right then. But he would stay with her. He didn't want to be like his father. Alone.

22 Months

He had to admit it to himself . He loved James T. Kirk. The man who was unobtainable to him. He was straight, he loved women. Which obviously Spock was not. But he had to tell him. He went to Jim's quarters.

“Come.”

“Jim I must speak with you on a personal issue.”

The first thing Jim noticed was the use of his name. Spock never said his name without being pressured.

“Okaaay, whats going on Spock? Girlfriend issues?”

“Yes and no. Its you Jim.”

“Me? What have I done.”

“Nothing wrong for me however I'm not sure how you will react.”

“Spock nothing you do can up-”

“Jim I love you”

Silence

“You what.” No emotion in the words

“Over the course of our voyage I have developed romantic feelings for you.”

“What about Uhura?”

“She doesn't love me. She has been sleeping with a lieutenant.”

“Spock I'm sorry but I can't love you. I care for you as a friend but I don't love you. I don't like guys. I'm sorry Spock.” I say nothing in return all I do is nod and then he shows me out of his quarters. The playful banter stops, the chess games, and the friendly touches. He stops talking to me outside of work and no longer looks me in the eyes. He never tells Nyota about it. He stays with her despite what others would do. She is all he can have, what he wants doesn't want him.

Present

The body beneath him was soft, her breast bounced with every upward thrust into her body.

"Oh God Spock harder!"

He complied with her request easily. Any other man would kill to be where he was right now. Nyota Uhura's body below them with her moaning their name. However the only thing he could think of was Jim. He wished the soft curves were hard muscles that it was him biting his bottom lip. She moaned loudly when she reached completion him following shortly behind.

"Spock that was amazing"

"I'm glad you found my performance satisfactory"

He cared for her and he knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear and he knew if it was Jim he would have said "I love you"

He got up from the bed. If she thought anything was wrong she didn't say it. Entering the bathroom he stared at the door that connected his room to Jim's. He thought about all the lovers Jim has brought into his quarters. He couldn't suppress the rush of jealousy that spiked. He knew it was illogical.  
Then his mind went too the woman in his room. Another rush of emotion guilt. He knew he was hurting her even if she didn't. What if she knew he thought of another during intercourse. He knew the answer, leave him. When he returned she was getting dressed.  
She left with a kiss to his cheek and the promise to see him tomorrow. He wouldn't miss her company. He was glad she could leave without him asking. He needed to meditate.


	3. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Doctors are not supposed to give out that kind of information. However I felt that Jim is the Captain and he has the right to know what was happening between 2 of his senior officers.
> 
> Switches POV between Spock and Jim

-Jim-

 

It shouldn't be like this. Not love from Spock and it sure as hell shouldn't have ripped my heart in two to tell him no.

 

Jim sat in his quarters staring but not really seeing. He did this every night since Spock told him the L word. He wasn't able to be around him now knowing the truth. He couldn't be around Uhura anymore either knowing what she was doing. He could see why Spock would reach out to someone else.

 

But why me?

 

That was the question he asked himself numerous times. He never loved anyone and no one ever truly loved him. His mom never did, he didn't have a dad to tell him, and his brother hated him. Why did it have to be Spock. Spock was the only one he let in other than Bones. Even Bones wasn't as close to him as Spock. He told him everything from favorite food to Tarsus IV. He trusted him with his life and more. He would even give his life for Spock's no questions asked. He needed to tell someone, anyone about this. Who better to understand Spock than Spock.

 

 

“Ambassador” the face of the older Vulcan filled his screen.

 

“Well Jim what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“I need your help understanding a personal issue involving my Spock.”

 

“Hes developed feelings for you that you do not yet return.”

 

It wasn't a question and my cheeks flooded with heat. Was I really that easy to read?

 

“Wait what do you mean 'don't yet return'?” and he smiled at me, a genuine smile.

 

“I was once where your Spock is. Not exactly but in the same realm of alone. He has a need to be accepted his peers taunted, father disapproving and the never ending question of 'Am I Vulcan enough?' You Jim gave him the acceptance he seeked. Its only logical admiration and then love would develop.”

 

“I don't return those feelings. I'm straight I like girls if Spock was a girl sure maybe but I don't love.”

 

“Do you know what love feels like?”

 

I wasn't expecting that question. Of course I didn't no one ever showed me.

 

“No.”

 

“Love is the feeling of never wanting to let go. Of feeling sad when they leave your presence. Wondering where they go and what they dream of wishing they were dreaming of you. Knowing you would cross any distance to make sure their safe. All of these you have done but for only one person.”

 

Jim's eyes showed realization. Spock was the only one he felt these for.

 

“Thank you Ambassador I think I understand. Live long and prosper.”

 

“You as well Jim. I wish you luck however illogical that may be.”

 

Then the screen went blank. To quote the object of discussion. I needed to examine my emotions.

 

 

-Spock-

 

Now everyone will know whats been happening. Nyota sat on the couch balling her eyes out. In her hands is a pregnancy test to determine parental DNA. Its not mine I'm not surprised I suspected it. I had still held the illogical hope it was mine.

 

“I'm so sorry Spock.”

 

“You are not, if you had a concern for my feelings you would have not done what you have.”

 

She glances at me. In her gaze is nothing of guilt only pity. I've only felt this emotion once in my life. The need to cry.

 

-Jim-

 

I understood my feelings. I did care for Spock more than I should have. I'm sure over time I'm sure it would become something more. Just thinking about it I feel it becoming deeper. Now what should I do?

I already sent him away what would he think if I went to him now? To add to it all I never been with a guy what would I do? Maybe the next step I should do is see Bones. He had to have some information on gay sex. Plus I could get the joy of creeping him out a little.

 

“Bones you got a minute?”

 

“Yeah come into my office I got the good stuff.”

 

I locked the door behind us so Bones couldn't escape.

 

“What do you know about gay sex?”

 

His face was just what I needed to cheer me up.

 

“What the fuck you don't just bring that up! Why would you want to know about that?”

 

“Spock”

 

“Spock? Wait you want to know about this because of Spock!”

 

“Yes about 3 months ago he came to my quarters and told me he loved me. I didn't know how to react so I sent him away. After speaking to a friend I now understand my feelings. I do love him and want to be with him. Uhura is..well she doesn't want him forever the way I do.”

 

“Jim I don't think now is a good time to pursue a relationship with him. He not quite okay.”

 

“why whats happened?”

 

“Uhura's pregnant. Its not his.”


	4. Together

-Spock-

 

I ordered her out and never come back. She didn't protest only gently touched his arm. Emotions flowed.

 

joy at the pregnancy, bitterness at herself, sorrow for hurting him, pity for him not seeing the truth

 

He sent his own at her, nothing but anger and disgust. She gasped, lowered her eyes and left. He sat on his meditation mat and did the unthinkable he let the tears fall.

 

-Jim-

 

walking fast down the corridor he passed Uhura. He felt pleased at seeing her look so depressed. He wanted nothing but to hit her. Jim Kirk wanted to hit a woman. Unthinkable but true none the less. He settled for bumping his shoulder on his as he went by.

Reaching Spock's door he commed for entry.

 

No answer.

 

Again

 

Nothing

 

Using his override codes he entered the room. Spock was kneeling on a mat deep in the recesses of his own mind wet streaks on his cheeks. Kneeling next to him I wrapped my arms around him.

 

“I don't know if you can hear me but I love you and I'm sorry it took so long to realize it.”

 

 

-Spock-

 

Pain, regret, loneliness. These where the emotions that escaped from his shield. Then something new not from him.

 

Love, need, understanding, pain, desire

 

I'm so sorry Spock please come back

 

Jim? Why was he projecting these emotions? How did he know? If he did does everyone know?

 

Curiosity outweighed the need to meditate

 

 

“Jim”

 

“Spock please are you all right?'

 

“No captain I'm definitely not all right. The only one who remotely wanted me is with anothers child, your here touching me filling me with your illogical emotions that only worsen the pain.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“No I simply wish to forget and move on with my life. Allow her to be happy and try to make myself happy alone.”

 

“You don't have to be alone. I love you.”

 

“you don't need to lie to me. Its cruel.”

 

“No Spock please believe me I love you. I'm sorry I took this long, I just...I don't know.”

 

“How do you know you love me?”

 

“Because when you leave I wonder where your going. When your asleep I hope your dreaming of me. I would cross any distance to ensure that your safe.”

 

Then he pressed his lips to mine. His lips were soft and moist undermine, he tasted of mint and mouthwash. When it ended I found I wanted more.

 

“I want to make love” the words were breathed into my mouth

 

“We don't have the necessary supplies nor do I think I am in control enough to do so.”

 

He made a whine of disappointment

 

“Please”

 

“Tomorrow Jim”

 

“Okay tomorrow.”


	5. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Male-Male Sex
> 
> First I had ever written. But like I said I wrote this a few years ago so sorry if its not good.

They fell back a tangle of limbs. Their kisses harsh and deep. This was better than anything he shared with Nyota.

 

“Spock”

 

“Yes Jim?”

 

“Are you sure I don't want you to do something your not comfortable with.”

 

“Nothing about you could make me uncomfortable.”

 

Spock counted Jim's breaths slow and harsh. He looked up at him his eyes were blown wide, face flushed with arousal. He allowed a small smirk to play on his face. Then slowly undid Jim's pants releasing the hard flesh. Without a second thought he licked the drop of fluid from the tip. Jim bit back a moan and placed a hand on the back of Spock's head urging him to continue. Spock took a deep breath and took as much as me could into his mouth. He allowed Jim to slowly fuck his mouth. He pulled off with a wet pop. Spock sat up between Jim's legs.

 

“How do you want me Jim” his voice think with desire

 

“I want you on my lap so I can look at you.”

 

“Lie down”

 

Jim lied down no questions asked.

 

“Remove your clothing Jim”

 

“If I do will you?”

 

“Yes now please do so”

 

He removed his clothes as fast as he could and zeroed in on Spock

 

Spock removed his clothes sadistically slow then climbed onto the bed

 

“Hands and knees'

 

“I thought you wanted me on your lap”

 

“I got to prepare you first”

 

Jim reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the tube of lubricate. Coating his fingers he traced down Spock's tailbone and went on finding the opening to his body. After doing so he slid on slick finger in and smiled at the small moan Spock gave.

“I'm going to make you feel so good baby.”

 

“Jim please”

 

“shh” and rubbed down his back

 

He slid his finger in and out a few times waiting for the muscle to loosen, when it did he went back with two fingers and went on the hunt for his prostate. He knew he had found it when Spock's back arched and he moaned loudly soon he was loose enough for three. Soon he had Spock moaning like a bitch in heat.

 

“Beg for it Spock”

 

“Jim please...please”

 

“Louder, what do you want me to do to you?”

 

“I want you to perform intercourse with me.”

 

He thrust his fingers in hard making Spock sob with pleasure

 

“Come on I know you can do better than that”

 

Ah! Jim I want you to fuck me to put your cock in me! To do me until I bed you to stop and when you do make me want it again!”

 

With that he removed his fingers and laid back down on the pillows urging Spock on top of him With Spock straddling him he lined up and brought Spock's hips down impaling him slowly. Spock's eyes were clamped shut, his head thrown back. Jim allowed a few slides before pushing up with force making Spock cry out. Then Spock pushed down to meet his thrust. Soon after Jim stopped all together getting the pleasure of watching Spock fuck his self oh his cock. He thought of all the times they could have been doing this these past months all the places. Jim ran his hand through Spock's hair urging him to look at him. He looked so debauched. Spock ground down hard making Jim moan. He was 100% sure he was the first person to be able to use Spock's body like this. He was so close the feeling of the body above him clenching around his aching sex, he felt his balls tightening and Spock going faster reaching his ending. When he did it was one of the most beautiful things Jim had seen. Spock put his arms on either side of Jim's head his cheeks flushed bright green and he bit his lip so hard it bleed. With that Jim released deep inside his body. They lay afterward spent and tired Jim turned to Spock.

 

“Spock.”

 

“Yes Jim?”

 

“I love you”

 

“I love you too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know this story like really just cuts off. But its old and I don't want to re-do anything with it. If you want to do something with this story just message me.


	6. Her Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhura's Side to the story

I truly never meant to hurt Spock. I thought I loved him but I guess I loved the idea of him. The unobtainable vulcan that everyone secretly adored. I was semi-happy with him until he began becoming friends with Jim Kirk. I never could stand that guy. I was able to deal for a while, but soon Spock started spending less and less time with me. Soon I noticed the looks he gave the captain ones of longing. Then when we had sex it was different. Spock was constant nothing changing. After the looks started it was like he was thinking of someone else. I was fine with that because so was I. 

My affair with Lt. Aaron Monroe had begun soon after Spock stopped giving me those looks on the bridge. The looks that say I'm at least partly satisfyed with you. Aaron had been transferred and didn't hide he thought I was attractive. I'm not going to lie so was he. So one night in his quarters we were discussing Andorian language and decided a few drinks wouldn't kill us. Those few turned into drunk sex. That drunk sex turned into a hidden relationship. I did feel guilty but not enough to stop. If Spock was allowed to ogle his captain then I should to. I wasn't sure if Spock was sleeping with him but just him thinking about it was enough for me.

I honestly don't know why I didn't leave Spock, but that was made for me. I ended up knocked up. Spock left me and a year later he bonded with James Kirk. Over that year I did grow to like Jim a little. Not enough to be friends but enough to have a respect for him. Me and Aaron got married too. After a time forgiveness was given. I guess its true having is not so pleasing as wanting. I had him, I cheated him, I lost him. Now were all happier.


End file.
